so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
