i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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