You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I look better un-naked...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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