I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
