So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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