That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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