Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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