I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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