one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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