Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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