There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
