it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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