billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
