you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
