i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm passing your future prison.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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