Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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