so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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