I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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