He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
