Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
