that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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