I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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