Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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