she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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