The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
