well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
