life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
