I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
