Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
