my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
