Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
