I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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