you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
