I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
