You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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