i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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