it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
