you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
