After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
