Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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