Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
