Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
