the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
