this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
