Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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