Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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