They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
