He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
