I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
