Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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