the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
