i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
