Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
