so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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