This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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