and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
