Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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