So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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