Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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